Monday, 19 December 2011

Things that only ever happen to other people

You know those things you read about in the newspapers so you know they are real, but they feel really distant because they only ever happen to other people. And usually people you don't know. There can be really cool things like winning the lottery (and I don't mean winning a fiver, I mean winning BIG). Winning the lottery is a great concept. I never buy tickets, because I don't know anyone who has ever won, and it is almost like a fairy tale. It's not really something that can happen.

Other things I am really glad that they never happened to anyone I know. For example my parents got new neighbours since last year. I never met them. They have started a family this year, but their baby girl was born premature and ended up catching an infection. She died soon after. But because I have never met her or her parents it felt like a world away and did not have a big impact.

Well no more. Last weekend my family joined the statistics and we are no longer one of the families were things don't happen. Of course I wish we still were, but that is not how life works out, is it. Last weekend one of my baby nephews died. One minute his heart was beating, the next it wasn't. Paramedics were doing their best to bring him back, which they managed for awhile, but his heart was not strong enough and he didn't last the night.

This was a week ago. We still don't know what happened. Apparently it's just one of those things that can happen while babies are young and still vulnerable. He will be released from hospital on Tuesday. After much cutting and slicing apparently the doctors still couldn't figure out what was wrong. My sister will have a memorial service for him that day. And then he will be cremated on Thursday and be taken home. My sister was too scared of putting him into a tiny casket. 

I have no idea how she and her husband are holding up. My mom and brother spend the last weekend with them. And my ten year old nephew, who was present when it all happened and is very much a bit traumatised, is being handed around to be taken care of while my sister and her husband have made the arrangement. Which just all sounds so WRONG! You do that for older people. When we did all that for my grandma we were sad and mourning, but also very accepting. She was old, and at some point we all have to leave. But why did my little nephew have to leave at six weeks old? That's just not fair.

My sister-in-law and brother are also freaking out a bit. Their son is just a day older than my other nephew. Now they are very scared that at some point he might just stop breathing too.

So yeah, the Christmas spirit is running high in our households at the moment. I am still not going home for the holidays. I spoke to my sister for a long time and she prefers there to be less people. I feel a bit like a traitor for not being there. Then again, I am secretly glad, because I hate funerals and they do nothing for me (except wanting to punch the ministers in the face for saying stupid stuff like 'we should just be thankful for the time we were given'). So I will be on phone duty for the next weeks to lend an ear whenever my sister wants to talk. I think for her it's actually easier to do it on the phone than in person. Though I really don't do any talking. What should I say? It will all be better? BS. 

Sorry for a depressing post. I was thinking a long time about whether I should post about this. But in the end decided that I would. Though I think this might be the only post. So don't think I am a cruel person when the next post will be about baking and fairy lights (it won't). That's just me trying to get back to some kind of normality. Though it's scary how much my house is still 'normal' while my sisters is completely broken. And I cannot explain to her why this has happened to her. Not that I would wish this onto anyone else. I think we are all just struggling with the not knowing how or why it happened.

So this year Christmas will probably be the most depressing one in our lives. I am actually very happy now that I went home for a week in November. At least I met my nephew before he left us. So please everyone remember, tell all your loved ones how much you love them today, because tomorrow might hold surprises we are not quite prepared for.


  1. :-o oh god, I am so sorry to hear this. There is nothing I can say but you and your family are in my thoughts. (((hugs))) :(


  2. Such a horrible thing to happen, i'm so so sorry to hear it. Especially at this time of year. He was taken away far far too soon. There really isn't anything that can be said, but i hope your family can get through this and find some peace.

    ((hugs from me too))

  3. sorry to read this terrible is boy is driving me up the wall the last few days, so it's sobering to read this and be reminded (not that i really need it) how lucky i really am...

  4. I'm so sorry to read this. I crap on about my parents and the only thing my sisters and I thought would be worse than losing both your parents so soon - would be losing a child. I can't imagine the pain your sister and her family are going through. Too cruel. And who cares if the next post IS about fairy lights. Normality helps us move on. It is a little heart warming to hear that you did get to meet your nephew.
    Counting my blessings tonight.

  5. Thanks everyone. Really appreciate your comments.

    It felt good to post about him. I don't want it to be like he was never here. Today is actually the day that he is being cremated. I am waiting for a call from my sister to let me know that they took him home.

  6. "tomorrow might hold surprises we are not quite prepared for"

    So true.